What exactly in the phrase “You’re a lying pile of shit” turns a man on? Makes him wants to pork you in the kitchen, grope you in the den, or ball you in the hall?
Sex Fiend: “You don’t load the dishwasher right.”
Me: “Really. It’s a frigging dishwasher. You throw the dishes in, turn it on and go away for a while.”
Sex Fiend: “No, no, no. The forks go in this slot, the spoons here. And you’re not rinsing the dishes off properly. Look, this one still has gunk on it. ” (guess his former profession)
Me: “Fine, you do it.”
Sex Fiend: “You’re overloading the washing machine!”
Me: “Really. Then you do it.”
Sex Fiend: “Don’t you ever follow a recipe?”
Sex Fiend: “You just dump everything in a pot without measuring and turn on the stove and you don’t time anything! How do you know when it’s done?”
Me: “Duh, when it’s hot!”
Alas, it will be no mystery to y’all who cooks, does the dishes, the laundry, and sorts the garbage into three piles – compost, recycling and landfill – in my house. Guess.
And the answer is – drum roll please – he who gets turned on by the phrase “you’re a lying pile of shit.”
I wish I felt some guilt for being such a bitch, but I don’t.