The other day I clicked on one those info blogs that pop up all the time on Facebook with enticing titles like “10 Stars Who Aged Badly” or “Stars’ Mug Shots” – which you click on because we’re all evil minded little shits, aren’t we? Anyway, the one I clicked was: Five Facts About Donald Trump You Really Need to Know. I must have been bored out of my skull because there is absolutely nothing I want to know about Donald Trump. But I did it and now it’s in the recently visited file on my computer for all the world to see. Ha. I gotta remember to take my meds. Now my brain is full of even more meaningless shit than before. These info blogs are intended to fill our brains with crap, folks. It’s a conspiracy to turn us all into raving idiots who care more about fat movie stars than our pathetic government.
However this factoid of irrelevant drivel might save me from the firing squad. Here it is. Drum roll, please. Donald Trump doesn’t like to be called “Donald.”
Upon reading this my first thought was: Fuck. He’s a billionaire, he could easily have changed his first name. Or he could go by a middle name. Or his initials. Like an ordinary asshole. Like me.
But I’d made the wrong assumption. He likes his name. He just wants people – even friends and business associates – to acknowledge they’re in the presence of a God, which at present he can’t claim without jeopardizing the votes of those mind numbingly dumb voters (I can’t bring myself to use the term “people”) who don’t already know he’s Hitler Incarnate. So he settles for Mr. Trump or Mr. Donald S. Trump. I don’t know what he does to those who dare to call him Donny Boy. Probably fire them or have the police drag them from the building.
I wonder what his children call him. Mr. Trump Daddy?
No doubt after he becomes king of the world he’ll demand to be called Emperor King Donald S. Trump, the Exalted One. We already know he’ll gold plate the Trump Palace, otherwise known as the White House, rename Washington DC Trumpington, and put his lovely mug on a $100 dollar bill. Oh, I can’t wait.
At that point he’ll probably drop the Mr. thing, don’t you think?
I know I’ve broken the TinHatsBlog pledge to refrain from political debate and just voice our anxieties about the coming apocalypse. Or create new and vibrant conspiracy theories, but I just couldn’t help myself and now I must check out an info blog that just popped up on my screen: 5 Founding Fathers Who Were Pedophiles. Number 3 will Shock You. Oh boy!