Intrusive Thoughts and Lateral Thinking

If 1.2 million dildos are sold every year, then landfills are bristling with dildos

Has there ever been an heirloom dildo?

I wonder how many millions of people are using dildos at this very moment

If there was a dildo based on my penis, would that be like a movie based on my book?

Nobody really knows where the word dildo came from

The only thing that dildo rhymes with is Bilbo, which must have annoyed J.R.R Tolkien

Why do I write?

Honestly, I think I’d rather be selling dildos

Door to Door Dildos, by Aaron Louis Asselstine

And my tagline will be, Poking fun at yourself has never been easier!

Polyvinyl dildos, rubber dildos, mahogany dildos, steel dildos, glass dildos, chrome plated dildos, borosilicate dildos, Cyberskin®  dildos, Hello Kitty® dildos, My Little Pony® dildos, wolf’s penis dildos, white dildos, black dildos, yellow dildos, red dildos, blue dildos, green dildos: biodegradable dildos

Zucchini

Cucumber

Butternut squash?

I’m hungry

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5 thoughts on “Intrusive Thoughts and Lateral Thinking

  1. Writing can be great long and short. Your Intrusive Thoughts is a good example of the latter. Here is another I have always liked, only three words, but a world of meaning. “Hello she lied.”

    Liked by 1 person

  2. So it is getting better. In the spirit of Demolition, I would like to make the following comment: Aaron I have decided that something has happened to you over the three or so years that we have been communicating. I don’t know what it is and don’t want to know. I just suspect that something has changed you fundamentally. I could have put this down in a private email (cc Jan), but I thought it better to discuss it in front of the, at least, two other people who might be reading. I don’t know why I feel this way, but would invite them to also leave a comment about this comment and the poem. As for the poem: it is like cutting meat with a good sharp knife and then eating it before you put it over or under the fire. Once you finish with the raw meat you feel satisfied as if your bones were prehistoric and used to meals on the run. Which brings me to the main point of this comment: I sense you have changed as a writer. Please correct me if I am wrong. When I say change, I mean for the better. I find your sentiments animating, revealing, more true to the split second thought that is actually something honest and it comes out before you even know what it means. Yet, there it is like a mirror. I say, well done and keep filling in those dead spaces that separate us from the sober and timid world. The one where people are worried about incestuous urges or if they imagine breaking one of the more damning felony laws in the Criminal Code of Canada. Without the death penalty, what does Canada do for really bad behavior? Just wondering. Thanks. Duke

    Liked by 1 person

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