These are the dead years. The collapse of the climate, the pandemic, starvation, war and corruption, no food, no water and so people move by the millions north, always north and we sit on couches and sip our wine and wonder why?
Look, there is a bird at the feeder, she must be hungry. How beautiful and the flower petals swirl in the cold air like the digging of graves, the petals cutting downward, preparing the way.
Carol died, then Pete, now Alex, Timmy, Margret, Renee and Marivel … Gumaro a few weeks ago. Poor Gumaro … the burning, half-mad drunk you don’t know. I hear Colm is bad sick. Anything that says, stage four is an exit sign over the theater door. I’m sorry for that. Mothers and fathers falling, lungs and hearts striking for better conditions, the silent years shedding on the sheets or the road. Fading while we sleep and gone like they never happened.
All the kids at risk … constantly. Disease, malnourishment, suicide, self-harm, murder, genocide, drugs and demon rum and they will always be young, tottering there, with outstretched hands, just outside my door.
But sometimes I go to everyone in my mind, one by one, and we are alive in my little rooms, soft in the candle light, and we sit beside each other and I can smell them, feel the warmth of their bodies next to mine. Their skin like a dream I once had. There is a religion in my mind and my imagination is a disciple, a poor drifter, seeking something undefined, yet burning holes in my eyes and belly, lifting my feet over mountains and across deserts, upon the seas and in the air.
I am the dead ones. I am myself. This is my religion. This is my imagination building bodies from the inside out, cell by painted cell, and every night I fly to them. I fly to you. I try anyway. I try.
You do. You fly. I can hear you and see how you land.
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I love this and I do feel the visits. Not just yours but so many.
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I am in awe, I must re-read and re-read again this literary gem, each facet cut masterfully, “flower petals swirl in the cold air like the digging of graves, the petals cutting downward, preparing the way.” And then you deified imagination, enticing me to become a disciple, accompanying you on a cathartic and empathetic hajj, becoming one with everyone along the way, learning to fly, becoming me.
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Try and write something a little lighter, Duke. Maybe even a little stupid. With a stock photo from Pexels. When those children of yours show up, it’s like when we suddenly startle a flock of birds and we must likewise scatter before they shit on us. All of this is to say, I hear, wish I could understand.
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It’s prolly best that you don’t. That way lies madness…
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I dunno.. I feel like if other people have to go through it, I owe it to them to understand it.
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The swirling flower petal cutting downward into a grave image is one of your best so far, and that’s truly saying something.
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How to rebalance the scales when dreams make us happier than life itself? Asking for a friend…
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I don’t always understand things people write, Duke, but this one I feel deeply as I sit on my couch sipping wine. 2016 seemed like such a bad year. Ha! Who would’ve guessed?
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Yes, how did we get here? I often think of1930s Europe and the way countries slipped into fascism and people into madness. One must never underestimate the power of lying to idiots. Duke
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Too true. Hoping your holidays are as good as possible Duke.
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