Rear Area Pig

During a monitored phone call with my literary agent, it was suggested to me that I look for inspiration in the lives of other authors who seized upon the opportunity to write while serving custodial sentences. I would’ve taken my usual notes throughout the conversation but was unlucky enough to have misplaced my stubby, prison-issued […]

As Thomas H. Huxley Famously Said

There was a study done in the United States examining recidivism rates of released prisoners. Each participant had completed an educational curriculum while incarcerated. Some earned diplomas after finishing two-year associate programs designed to provide students with an entry point into lengthier majors. Others signed up for the long haul and attained their four-year Bachelor […]

Light of Reason

A couple days later, Darryl and I sat down for lunch in the food court, like we did from time to time, and we got talking about Brent, both of us agreeing he was an arsehole after sharing a few merciless jokes at his expense. Perhaps that was the moment our superficial work buddy relationship […]

Shrunken Morlocks

My name is Andy Campbell. Most people assume my full name is Andrew something Campbell but my birth certificate says Andy Campbell with no middle name listed because I don’t have one. Mom thought Andrew was too pretentious and she hated middle names for their ‘redunceity’. It sounds unbelievable but I thought redunceity was a […]

Quite Another

A few weeks back, my attorney, Pamela Levinsky, gave what I thought was the final draft of this memoir to the parole board in advance of my hearing. We felt it was prudent to give the board members assigned to my case enough time to familiarize themselves with what I’ve written before I sit down […]

Worm of Hopelessness

I’m hardly the monster the prosecution made me out to be during my trial. Mom used to say I was the calmest little baby she’d ever seen; barely cried at all. The fact that I even survived is a miracle, considering I popped out of her three months early, weighing just over a pound. She […]

Heebie-Jeebies

These days, all my custodial work is done on a voluntary basis for the sole purpose of getting good behaviour points from my captors. I’m sixty-four with one hundred and twenty-one years to go in a consecutive sentence handed down by a judge for crimes I didn’t commit in the way the prosecution said I […]

Cleaner Thinks He’s Jesus

Life is full of things that wither in the absence of use. My dream of becoming an astronaut withered after the Space Shuttle blew up on live TV like a propane cylinder at a family cookout. Many years later, my dream of rock stardom withered when I finally realized my songs weren’t good enough to […]