I Got Waylaid

I thought I was going to die last night, just like Mike did a few months ago when the cracks let the cats slip through the door He died in bed, after a good meal, just turned over in the mountain air and stopped breathing like some sort of shop keeper with an overweight wife […]

The Burgermeister

“TELEPHONE!”One eye was caked with mucus and the other, glued to the pillowcase. I knew that if I tried to lift my head, it would fall off. Death! Give me Death.“Tell whoever it is to call back.”“Ist Oncle Boob! Ach! Wino! You stink!”“Who do you think you are? Meine Mutti? Go away!”“Nein. Telephone. Ist Oncle […]

Put the Cat Back Where She Belongs

Let’s be married for the day so we can clean up the place, put the cat back where she belongs Sure, you’re right, things seem off-kilter Look at all those misplaced sentiments piled in the corners, they need to be spun again, let’s unspeak them And then we laughed, we have to get better I […]


To Andy Campbell, ex-friend, liar, backstabber, and deceiver, Congratulations, leaving my night vision binoculars at the scene of YOUR crime was a pretty clever thing to do. I’m guessing you figured my fingerprints would seal the deal, but how did you know about my arrest back when I was a stupid kid? I never said […]

A Liar of Myself

This would be another good spot to leverage the revision process by incorporating an additional paragraph’s worth of running commentary on my authorial development into the wider context of my fast-failing health. If the reader remembers, near the end of chapter five there was mention of a slight cough and generalized fatigue. At that time, […]

She Said her Name Was Hecate

Crazy Dream!! I find myself in a mall with an elderly woman who looks like Mom but, she’s my aunt, although I don’t have any aunts in real life. We’re on a weekend getaway, perhaps engaged in a tryst as there’s a strong sexual undertone, including some touching and even kissing at opportune moments. While […]

Spin The Bottle

I must go on. We must go on. Yet, this is a novel that will probably never be written, certainly never finished. Unless someone dies and then, in a way, it will be finished. For there is a ledger somewhere, a folder of paper, a rolling pen off a desk, a cold file, and in […]

Poor Little Bastard

Perhaps I’m at risk of turning this memoir into Mom’s hagiography, but previous to her cognitive decline, I can’t recall any instances of her words or actions burning, or even slightly smouldering with the molten malevolence of a single sun let alone a thousand. With that in mind, I’ll now explain the eavestrough metaphor mentioned […]

I’ll probably delete this when sober …

Rytan’s laptop began to act as though she’d clicked on one of those endless commercials for adult diapers that kept spinning you through the interverse until, unless you signed up for monthly delivery service, bladder leakage insurance for your jumpers, and a six-month subscription to their toilet tips podcasts, your device would explode. She snapped […]